Greetings, Reader!
How has your sleep been lately? Are you one of those people who goes to bed early every night and wakes up feeling refreshed in the morning? If so, teach me your secrets!
I've never been the best sleeper. I love staying up late, and when I was younger, 10 pm - 2 am were my most productive and creative hours.
I have very vivid dreams, and I've been known to sleepwalk and to act out my dreams when I'm particularly stressed out. Once, I leapt out of a tall, four poster bed in a classy inn and crashed into the dresser because I was dreaming I was being chased by an elephant-sized spider. I fell so hard, I honestly thought I broke my hip. I can still see that spider in my mind about 20 years later!
Over the years, I've trained myself to be better at sleeping. I do best when I maintain a consistent sleep schedule, ideally getting in bed by 9:30 pm at the latest. I know that if I stay up any later, I get a second wind and have trouble winding down.
I've had a hard time maintaining this schedule lately, even though I know it helps me. Part of the problem is that I teach anatomy and physiology at the Community College of Vermont two nights a week, and I don't get home until 9:30 pm. I'm often hungry and wired, so I can't go right to bed when I get home. It throws off my schedule for the whole week, and I end up cycling between too little and too much sleep in an unfortunate pattern.
But if I'm being honest, that really isn't the whole story.
When I was studying Ayurveda, I was delighted to learn that one of the three main causes of disease is called crimes against wisdom. Essentially, that means doing things you know you shouldn't do, and not doing things you know you should (kind of like staying up late to finish a puzzle or read a book instead of going to bed early and getting enough sleep).
The Ayurvedic tradition views this as a sign of imbalance, but lately I've been seeing it in a new light.
When I am struggling to change a habit, if I'm being really honest, it is because I'm getting some benefit from the status quo. Staying up late is really just a way for me to avoid, or at least delay, feeling how I feel.
I've been stretching myself pretty far beyond my comfort zone lately, which I'll share more about soon, and it has felt a bit destabilizing. I've found myself staying up too late even on nights I'm not teaching.
Underneath the battle between my desire to get the project I'm working on done, and the difficulty I have focusing at night when I'm tired, really is an unsettled nervous system. There is an insidious fear lying just beneath the surface that keeps my nervous system on alert, making it so hard to go to sleep, even though its exactly what I need.
In my client sessions this week, it's been remarkable to hear so many people struggling with their own version of this.
Each time, I've asked, "How is this habit or choice benefitting you?" and I've witnessed each person slowly realize that their overeating, doomscrolling, substance use, over-working, and procrastination are all variations of the same theme: trying to numb the underlying nervous system distress.
Staying up too late has so many drawbacks that going to bed early really should be the obvious choice. And it is, to my mind. But its not the obvious choice to my nervous system (yet).
My nervous system, (and maybe yours, too?) feels unsettled, and is looking for ways to self-soothe so that I can feel safe enough to let myself rest.
So my next question is, "How else can I meet that need?"
The answer, for me, is to do my neurosomatic practices before I get tired.
When I'm overtired, it tricks my nervous system into thinking there is an emergency, which then makes it really difficult to rest, because the nervous system simply isn't designed to rest during an emergency.
I'm committing this week (starting tomorrow, because let's be honest, I'm staying up pretty late to write this email), to 10 minutes of neurosomatic practice sometime between 9 and 9:30 pm. My goal is to help my nervous system feel safe enough to wind down and sleep, and to discharge the energy of my day. I know that if I start this early enough, I won't get my second wind, so I'm putting it in my calendar and setting a recurring alarm to make sure I don't lose track of time.
Thanks for letting me share this intention with you, Reader. It really helps to have an accountability buddy. I'll report back next week, with full honesty and transparency and no shame, I promise.
If this resonated with you, and you are also struggling to change a habit, I hope you will ask yourself these same questions:
- What benefits am I receiving from the habit I'm trying to change?
- How else can I meet those needs?
I have to say, sharing this intention with hundreds of people through this newsletter is definitely a powerful motivator. I'm not expecting perfection, but knowing I will be reporting back in the name of science definitely will help me get started.
If you need your own accountability buddy, I'd be delighted if you replied and shared your intention with me. Where are you stuck, how is being stuck serving you, and what do you really need instead?
We're in this together, my friend.
In love and solidarity,
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Rachel
Doctor of Physical Therapy & Integrative Pain Specialist
Build a resilient nervous system to help you flow through the seasons of your life with courage, wisdom, and compassion.
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PS: These types of challenges would be great things to discuss in afree Nervous System Attunement Strategy Session. You'll get clear on what your nervous system needs and what is keeping you stuck, and we can develop a customized plan tailored to your unique nervous system to help you feel like yourself again. Book some time on my calendar. I'd love to help you find a path forward.
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